Have You Asked Yourself….
— “What do I want?” —
All Right Reserved - © Robin Easton
Many years ago, I had a beautiful friend who--as a child and young man--experienced extensive trauma. Although, this man was refreshingly sensitive and highly creative, he lacked a strong sense of self. This often happens when we suffer from various types of trauma or abuse.
In the aftermath of harsh trauma, we sometimes forget that we have control over our own lives…bodies, minds, and spirits. We also can lose sight of our solid sense of self-esteem or self-worth. None of this is unusual. However, when my friend realized that the trauma had affected his entire adult life, he decided to see a counselor. During his first visit, he asked the counselor, “Do you think I can heal from my trauma?” The counselor replied, “Well, statistics show that some people heal, and some people don't.” He then went on to state percentages, and other statistics.
Although the counselor’s statement could be deemed an honest answer, I would ask, “Is it a helpful answer? And, is it where the focus needs to go?”
A couple of days later, my friend called and asked if we could talk. He told me about his conversation with the counselor. Then, like a man on death row, he said, “I wish I’d never asked my counselor that question. I feel totally hopeless, now. What’s the point? I mean, what if I’m one of the people who doesn’t recover from my trauma? Do you think I’ll recover?”
I paused a minute and ask: “What if we look at this another way, one that puts your life back in your own hands, not solely in the hands of psychological statistics, or a counselor, or anyone else?”
I told him what I did for myself years ago, at the age of twenty-six. It is what I still do today. I do not ask myself whether or not I can do something. No.
I ask myself, “What do I want?”
I do not even ask, “What do I believe is possible or true?” No.
I simply ask, “What do I want?”
I do not ask how it is for other people. I do not ask for statistics. I do not ask what the doctors, counselors, professionals, friends, family, society, school, or anyone else thinks is true…for me….or them.
I simply ask:
• What do I want?
• How do I want this experience, this life to be for me?
• What do I want to do, be, feel, and share…regardless of what others tell me, regardless of all the statistics, contradictions, and challenges?
What do I want….
And, what can I do to make it happen?
With this choice, what I want seems to ‘come alive.’ It becomes a more tangible focus, and a conscious possibility. I find it thrillingly empowering, highly intelligent, and the way forward becomes filled with endless potential……awaiting my embrace.
My friend was stunned at my reply, and with a look of incredulous awe, said, “You mean I actually get to start with what I want?!! And then, find ways to make it happen?” I replied, “Or course. This is YOUR life. You are Life itself. Think about that.”
Often, when we remember this fundamental truth, we realize that just about anything is possible. We have the compelling force of our own primal desire behind us, motivating, uplifting, and opening the way.
“What do I want?” is one of the most fundamental, pure, and humane questions we can ask. It is akin to simply asking someone in distress, “How can I help?” .…no ‘fixing,’ no analysis, no judgment, just simple human empathy, and Presence.
When I claim my own true path amidst overwhelming challenges and experiences, I return to the most basic and ancient of life-forces…passionate desire, a powerful yearning to be, do, share, feel all that I am…and want to be.
This does not mean that we cannot receive help, insights, or varied perspectives from others. However, I feel that all too often we blindly give up our own power to others, without even asking ourselves how WE feel, or what we want, and how we might achieve it.
We might not always get what we want, but without this essential question and commitment (“What do I want?”), we often lack core drive or the natural propulsion of our yearning desire. Sometimes, it can be all too easy to give our power over to others, and then, move forward while we are out of touch with ourselves and our own inherent wisdom, or sense of knowing. Often, we are more likely to give up our power when we feel especially vulnerable, weak, confused, or depressed.
Yet, without knowing our most basic and true desires, we sometimes lack commitment to life. We aren’t anchored within ourselves. Yet, we desperately feel a very real need to be anchored into something…anything. In our vulnerable state we often blindly anchor into others…without really knowing what we are aligning with. Or we blow about like a tiny feather on the wind, from thing to thing, person to person, ideology to ideology, at the whim of other people’s beliefs and desires…or lack of them.
When we don’t claim—and become familiar with—our own heart’s desire and knowing, we are a bit like victims sitting idly by, awaiting others to save us, fix us, direct us, tell us what is or is not possible…for us. In this, we could potentially miss life’s many miracles. We could very well miss the discovery of our own unique path…and fully capable selves.
Life did not evolve based on what it thought it ‘should’ do. Nor did it evolve based on what it thought it could not do. Nor did it evolve based on what it was told to do, or ‘this-is-how-it-is’ statistics. For millennia, life has evolved by the sheer force of its own brilliant desire to vibrantly exist…and to exist as passionately, fully, and brilliantly as possible…often against monumental odds.
Life will always desire to expand into its own greatness, as far as it can go into its own infinitely-incomprehensible reach. Just so, you and I must ultimately expand into our own Greatness.
There will always be a thousand voices telling us, in a whole myriad of ways, why we cannot be..…who we ALREADY are. Some voices appear to hold immense authority. We might find ourselves asking, “Who am I to question them in the face of such learned knowledge?” Yes, some voices can be highly sophisticated, erudite, or smooth talking, and a bit harder to recognize. Other voices are more crass, blunter, or completely ridiculous to us, hence, easier to spot. And, some voices are very wise and knowledgeable, but….they still are not your heart’s voice or my heart’s voice.
In any case, you will always find thousands of voices willing to tell you why you “can’t, won’t, and shouldn’t, voices that might not have any faith in themselves…or Life. Or simply, voices that just have a different opinion, experience, and life path.
Do not let any voice steal and supplant your own highly intelligent and unique voice, your own inherent knowing, and desire for Life.
What do you want?
What do you want to feel?
What do you want to share?
What do you want to do, be, give, receive, experience….?
What can you do to make that happen?
Before anything else, I always return to the simplest of heartfelt questions, “What do I want?” Sometimes, if the answer is obscured, I do not pressure it to arise. Rather, I patiently leave space for the answer to present itself. Over and over, I return to the ‘want of my heart,’ the truth I was born with. I patiently feel into the question.
What do I want?
An undamaged child readily says, “I want.” There is a clean straight-as-an-arrow force of desire guiding them. When this desire is honored in a child, they usually grow to become solid, confident adults who eagerly focus on infinite possibilities, and rarely on stale, stagnant improbabilities, statistics, shoulds, shouldn’ts, can’ts, couldn’ts, and so on.
This does not mean we give children every single thing they want. It just means we more closely listen to and acknowledge a child’s deep innate wisdom. We teach them to trust themselves by honoring their intuition and instincts, their curiosity and passion for life. We can do the same thing for ourselves…and each other.
We can honor our intuition and instincts, our curiosity and passion for life.
Every day, I learn from both my wild friends and my fellow humans. I learn that life is more about listening, being present with another soul, and about honoring our many different paths and points of view. It’s about honoring each other’s already existing, intelligent knowing. I am endlessly learning new ways of being, learning new perspectives, as well as honestly sharing my own humble, messy, beautiful, wildly loving humanity…mistakes and all.
When we focus on what we want a huge door is flung open. We awaken within us an immense surging ocean of hope, a surge of Life-giving direction and energy, a beautiful budding truth. We speak directly to what already lies within us. We awaken The Great Potential.
Until I have asked myself, “What do I want?”, I disregard all voices, no matter how learned, especially if they do not align with my heart’s true knowing. I do not readily relinquish my own beautiful soul’s-knowing to the force of what others believe and predict for my life and my capabilities….no matter who they are.
I refuse to supplant my own inherent wisdom with counselors, cultural edict, religious scripture, doctors, lawyers. friends, family and so on. This does not mean that I do not sometimes adopt their insights. It just means that everything has to stand before the discerning gates of my own ancient heart and soul.
Before giving way to others’ beliefs and choices, find out for yourself what you are capable of. You decide what you want and what is possible for you. Become courageous and creative in the ways that you turn your ‘want’ into a living-reality.
We each are life itself, born of The Great Mystery.
We are the freedom we seek….the freedom we yearn to live. Within each of us is the inherited wisdom of endless galaxies.
We are the power of life itself. This is not a force solely outside ourselves. It is not some obscure force way off in the universe, a distant intangible force. It is a force right here, right now. We are it.
We are the power of Life itself. We are the permission, the freedom, and the choice we so hunger to experience and feel.
We are the potential outcome we seek.
Once we step bravely forth, this does not necessarily mean that things will always go our way, or that we always get exactly what we want. But, if we are willing to embrace this as part of the adventure, and if we always return to the empowerment of our own desire, our own yearning heart, if we are willing to not make our setbacks, mistakes, disappointments, or challenges the focus of our journey, if we are willing to adjust our path as we go, continuously asking ourselves, “What do I want?,” and if we are willing to think and feel creatively, willing to find other possibilities and variations of what might work for us, and what keeps us empowered and in charge of our own destiny, our own soul….we will find our way.
Even when faced with challenges, we still can become highly creative, free-thinking visionaries. It has been my greatest challenges that offered me my greatest wisdom and freedom.
Our challenges, setbacks, and uncertainties are brilliant gifts awaiting to be discovered. Often, our challenges—when embraced with creativity—can shape us into empowered innovators, souls who pave new paths, ideas, and ways of being, thinking, and feeling.
We don’t have to ‘do’ this life alone, but I encourage myself and you to at least ask, “What do I want?”
Much love to you,
Roby
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PS: Although my friend still has days and moments where he struggles with depression and anxiety, he now lives a highly productive and rewarding life. Years later he wrote me and told me that he never forgot what I told him, and that he now puts much more trust in his own instincts and yearning desires. With time, he discovered that he was very courageous, strong, and resilient.
What better way to truly find out what we are made of than to actually trust—and actively live—our own instincts, intuitions, and heartfelt desires. Often, it is these powerful, inherent guides that keep us alive and sane…more than anything else.